Jan

28

What’s the difference between the United Nations and MI6? Hard to say, craters all look the same to me.

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Jan

28

Need a job? Crime pays! Currently minimum wage+room and board. No benefits. Military/law enforcement experience a plus. Somewhat hazardous.

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Jan

28

I swear to god if New Gingrich takes even one step towards my moon base I will kill him with a laser. I already claimed it, the moon’s mine.

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Jan

10

When I said I wanted my lair to be raining lava that was just a figure of speech. Why would you take that literally?

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Jan

10

I miss the good old days when the UN was an influential institution. I feel like kind of a dick picking on them now.

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Jan

10

@notch @jwaaaap @terrycavanagh Just look for the cruel and vindictive Santa Claus.

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Jan

06

I’m worried that the “must be willing to relocate to a volcano” section of our job listing may be scaring away potential employees.

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Jan

05

Lavaboarding has a few kinks we’re still working out but I have faith it will be the best torture method ever.

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Jan

05

@nytimesatwar Indeed, the CIA is quite meddlesome as well.

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Jan

05

Reasonable Doubt? Reasonable! I’ve allowed you to live this long, is that not reasonable enough for you?

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